From the Twisted Minds of Hannah and Ashlee
by St.JimmyofRussia
Summary: Yet another Da Crew story! Lot's of OC's...crack....enjoy! There's really no drama. XD
1. ELMY

Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter. After seeing this, you'll be glad we don't.

_**Chapter 1: E.L.M.Y.**_

"Your mom eats radishes!" Miri Jones yelled.

"Sheep, what the fuck? No one said anything about radishes, we were talking about tomatoes and how Lynx has never had them!" Jimmy Osaki-Volkova retorted.

"Is it really that amazing?" Lynx Emerald asked.

"Well, most children have tried one of the most common foods in the world by the age of 14," Elyon 'Maj' Santose replied.

"Yea, well not me," Lynx said and got up from Sheep's couch, "Sheep, an owl's here."

"Let it in," she yelled back at her. A tawny owl came into the room and dropped 4 letters onto the couch.

"Wah, our letters all came at the same time!"

"Godammit!" Jimmy shouted before being smacked by Sheep.

"Don't say God!" she yelled.

"What's the problem now?" Lynx asked.

"They said 'Yuki' on the front!" Jimmy whined.

"That is your first name," Lynx replied.

"Oh yeah, they called me 'Elyon' on mine!" Maj stated.

"And that's worse than mine, how?"

"It isn't."

"Man, they didn't put 'Sheep' on the front of mine…" Sheep groaned.

"You're all stupid," Lynx sighed.

"Nu-uh," Jimmy said, "you're just jealous that you don't have cool nicknames like we do."

"Whatever. Hey, let's go see if we can go shop0ping for our stuff."

"Kay!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm tired of walking…," Maj grumbled.

"Well we have nowhere to sit, so what do you propose we do about it?" Lynx asked.

"Shuddup…"

"Hey! Candy!" Jimmy exclaimed, "Let's buy the cart!"

"No, that's way too much sugar…for you guys…" Lynx pointed out.

"Lynx, you're such a killjoy…and I ment _literally _buy the cart!"

"Yeah, that'd be awesome!" Sheep agreed, "If we actually had money…"

"Well you know what?" Maj said, pulling out a bag of money, "Ka-pow! I'm loaded!" Sheep and Jimmy clapped and watched as Maj gave the woman money and wheeled the cart around.

"Idiots! All of you!" Lynx shouted.

"In Osaka, it's 'baka'!"" Jimmy informed.

"That rhymed," Maj said.

"Good job, Maj," Sheep in all her sarcasm stated.

"Let's just find somewhere to sit, guys," Lynx said, moving them along. As Maj wheeled the cart down the hall, a door slid open and a boy with black hair and blue eyes stuck his head out.

"I want a…hey, you're not the cart lady! But I must say," he said, smiling maliciously, "you are an improvement."

"Excuse me!" Maj said, putting her hands on her hips. The rest of the girls laughed in the background.

"Excuse me, but is there room for 4 random girls, 3 of which are too odd for works?" Lynx asked way too politely.

"Hmm..." The Boy pondered. "Yes. But! You have to share the cart with us."

"But wait! There's more?" Jimmy exclaimed.

"Yes," Boy said, "There is more. For the low, low price of…oh wait…"  
"Deal!" Sheepo sayed.   
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"Sirius?" Rem asked about 3 hours later.  
"Yes, honey?" Siri said sweetly.  
"Don't call me that…where's Peter?"  
"Well, this summer, Pete's body got infested with TUBEWORMS, and they took over his mind. Now they're power hungry and making him try to take over the world…" James sniffled,  
"He broke Lily's spine, so now she's living as a vegetable!"  
"Well damn!" Jimmy said, breaking her stare down with Maj's foot.


	2. New Victim

**Chapter 2 New Victim**

"Hickson, Curran."

"Currrraannna!" Sheep and Jimmy enunciated.

"Wait...isn't that your middle name?" Lynxipoo asked.

"Yes, cept it's spelled different I'll bet. K-U-R-R-A-N," Sheep answered, "You know what this means, Jimmy…"

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

"No."

"Stupid, we're going to stalk him!"

"Oh…you know he's in the same house as Swanson..."

**Insert Break Here**

"Oh, Swansonite!" Jimmy sang.

"Oh God..."

"We need a favor!" Sheep announced.

"Who are you!"

"We've been stalking you for 3 years, how do you not know who we are!" Sheep shouted.

"Ya know...we were gonna move this summer...," Swanson said with a sigh.

"We need the Hufflepuff password." Jimmy stated.

"For what!"

"You're off the hook, we're stalking someone else!" Sheep said.

"You mean, I'm...free?"

"Yes. Password." Jimmy said, apparently playing that one Who's Line game.

"plastictubewormseatplums."

"WTF!"

"I didn't make it up, now leave me alone!"

"Yes! Now to stalk that-" Sheep was cut off by a mysterious stranger.

"Shouldn't you two be in your common room by now?" Snape said menacingly coming out of nowhere.

"Um...we...got...lost?"

"Right, I'm sure. Get there now or detention for both of you!"

"Yes, sir," they said in unison, turning for the Ravenclaw common room.

**BREAK**

"Man, we have Potions today!" Two random Ravenclaws whined.

"Ah, we have Potions today...," Maj, Sheep and Jimmy said while rubbing their palms together and smiling mischievously.

"Oh dear God..." Lynx said while making forehead/palm contact. (Otherwise known as a facepalm.)


	3. Potions

Chapter 3: Potions

"I am Snape, the Potions Master."

"Oh God, we know!" Siri, James, Jimmy, Sheep and Maj groaned in unison.

"Roll call!" Professor Snape said, ignoring them. Everything went fine…till he got to Jimmy's name...

"Osaka-Volkovi, Yuki."

"Jimmy," she replied, "and it's Oh-sah-key Vol-koh-vah."

"Jimmy?"

"No, Zhimmi."

"In my hometown of Yuzhno-Salisk, it's pronounced Zhimmi."

"Zhimmi?"

"No Jimmi!"

"Jimmi?"

"No! Jim-mi! That's how they pronounced it in Osaka!"

"WTF?"

"I'm half-Nihongo and half-Russkiy!"

"Shutup and sit down Osaka-Volkovi!"

"It's pronounced-"

"I said, 'Shutup!'. Now it's detention!"

"Ha ha!" Sheep mocked.

"If it's that funny Jones-"

"IS SOOO GOOD!" Maj came in.

"Santose! Detention for disturbing my class!"

"UH!" she retorted.

"Now, back to Jones-"

"MY NAME IS SHEEP!"

"DETENTION AND 50 POINTS FROM RAVENCLAW!"

And then a clink was heard...

...from under Lynx's chair!

"Emerald! Detention!"

"Wha? But I-"

"Unless you want more, I suggest you be quiet!"

"Excuse me-" Siri said, raising his hand.

"Detention!" Snape interrupted.

"I object to that!" James stated standing up.

"DETENTION!"

Peremena

"Every year..."

"Wha, Lynxipoo?" Jimmy asked.

"What was that?" Sheep questioned.

"Every year, you try this, and the ONE TIME you succeed, it's because Sirius dropped a SICKLE UNDER MY CHAIR!"

"Professor Snape, my hand cramped and I'm not ambidextrous! What do I do?" Sheep whined.

"Just get out of here!" Snape yelled.

"You're letting us out early!" Jimmy exclaimed.

"Yes, now get the hell out of here!"

"You said a swear!" Jimmy sang, "I'm telling Professor McGonagall!"

They ran upstairs to McGonagall's office.

"Professor, Snape said a swear," Sheep innocently stated.

"What! Is that what you came here for?"

"Yes."

"Go to bed."

"OK..."


End file.
